Anxiety seems to be Hydra’s cousin. You cut off one head, two more grow. Also, the more good things happen, the worse the anxiety. Because good things happening always needs to be punished. Anyone else but me feel this way?
I cut off a few heads of my personal Hydra this year. Practical things. Like installing a new heating system.
I had a break-through in my personal life by discovering that yes, I feel better when I take care of myself. When I go to the doctor when I’m sick. Better not only physically, but better as in: the depression went away.
And yet here I am, on a train somewhere in the middle of nowhere, with today’s work done and still hours of travel to go. Hours that aren’t filled. Hours that aren’t hectic.
And my husband found a new job, providing us with financial stability for now.
I’m tired and hungry and did a good job today.
And I’m frantic and wondering when the next blow will fall. How long it will take before what is given will be taken away again.
These are routes that are well-traveled highways in my brain. They are faster than this train.